Growing up...

...is hard to do (to watch them do).




So I told Kylie I would fix her lunch as soon as I was done cutting up the chicken to marinate for dinner. Then the phone rang. It was the school where we are wanting to eventually send Kylie when she turns 3 for preschool. Since she will not be three by the end of August, she is not eligible, but they do have a Children's Day Out program that we are interested in.




I had called last week to get some info about the program, but everyone was on Spring Break. I will admit that I called last week, expecting that they may not be there, but really hoping someone would be able to answer my questions because Kylie is sooooooooo acting her age. I had thought about running away, or just hiding in a closet or something. I even mentioned shipping her off to grandma and grandpa's until she is 4 or 5.




So back to the phone call. I was telling the nice lady about the sensory issues and social anxieties that Kylie has, and she was explaining about how their program really works with kids on those issues, and helps them through them. It all sounds like such a perfect fit for Kylie, and I already miss her. I know she is just in the other room playing, but she is growing up and I want so much for her to keep growing and working through everything....things I'm not sure I can help her with. You know things I already feel guilty for not being able to help her with...I want to do and give her everything, but I think...no wait, I know this will be really good for her.

I know I say that I want her to keep growing, but I also want her to stay little and not grow up, because I worry so much about what future challenges she may have, and I want her to be happy, healthy, and safe. These are the things I pray for her every day. I can think of how we can make her laugh and smile and redirect her to calm her down (happy), how she is young enough that she doesn't know what she can't do that she should be able to and we can guide her around those things (safe), well the healthy part is more out of our control than anything else. I know in essence, all is out of our control, but I really want her happy and safe....you know, safe from the things people say and do all because they don't understand. We've been to a few birthday parties and other outings where Kylie has gotten really stressed and anxious and she tends to roll around on the floor when she feels this way....most people don't understand this and it breaks my heart to see Kylie so uncomfortable, but it breaks even more when other mommies and parents laugh at her because they think she is just being silly.

So yep, tears are flowing, because I LOVE LOVE this little girl so much and I don't want to ever let her go. Seriously....this all came from a phone call about a children's day out program that is one day a week.




Just needed to share this, or I would be a mess...okay, more of a mess if I just kept it to myself. And totally feeling bad for wanting to hide from her until she is 4 or so. Being a mommy is so much more than I could have ever imagined.